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Call me mint jelly 'cause I'm on the lamb.
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[07 Dec 2008|12:28pm] |
At davesmith's suggestion, I've started a blog with the idea of gaining a following and eventually turning a profit (which will probably never happen). So, go look at my blog. Often. And tell other people about how witty I am and that they should look at my blog several times a day.
Me Manifesto
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[03 Sep 2007|02:32pm] |
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Damn.
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| Help fund my education. |
[22 Jul 2007|04:20pm] |
Zicko five piece drum set, clear plexiglass. $350 or make an offer. I probably have some cymbals and stands I could throw in if that would sweeten the deal.
Peavey bass with 10(?) watt practice amp. $100 or whatever.
I'm also going to put up an ipod nano, my comic book collection, and some other stuff on ebay this week. I'll send you links if you're interested.
Also, we should have a group yard sale in August. Anyone?
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[19 Jul 2007|04:27pm] |
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music |
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The Vaselines |
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For being a painter, I sure haven't done much painting lately. Mostly my crew leader keeps making me clean up other people's messes. Today I had to carry around a bucket of thinner and some rags to wipe up other people's spills. I was about to ask him if I look like a janitor, but that's a stupid question.
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[11 Jul 2007|05:30pm] |
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Hypothetically*, if you were to meet someone and fall in love or whatever, but then you find out you have the same last name but are not related in any way, could you date/marry them?
Honestly this time; this has never happened to me. I was just thinking about it at work.
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[03 Jul 2007|06:17pm] |
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music |
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David Bowie-Hang onto Yourself |
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New expression learned at work this week:
"Uglier than two stacks of assholes."
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[12 Jun 2007|07:13pm] |
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Barry and the Remains |
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Half way through orientation this morning, I started to wonder if my decision to join an industrial painting crew for the summer may have been a mistake. Not so much because of the work*, but mostly because of the people I'll be working with. I was especially blown away by some of the phrases the safety coordinator dropped into his speech. Some highlights:
On paychecks (size of): "You won't be slashing a fat pig's ass."
On safety training (failure to take seriously): "Everything we tell you ain't worth a bent dick."
On arrivals/parking: "It's a goat fuck to get through that gate."
On foremen (temperaments of): "Not that they'll be pounding sand up your ass..."
It was also disquieting to hear the old man driving the bus back to the gate say he'd only consent to something** if someone "promised [him] a blow job from a different woman every day."
*The work sucks too.
**I couldn't hear what.
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[27 Apr 2007|02:20pm] |
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Patti Smith-Free Money |
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I accidentally put my phone through the washing machine today, so it's pretty dead.
I also washed a Mexican flag bandanna that I bought the other day, and some of the red ran into the white section. Sometimes I wish the Mexican flag could be more like the American flag. Those colors don't run.
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[15 Feb 2007|03:22pm] |
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My left butt cheek has been significantly warmer than its partner all day. It's weird.
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| Pimp My Wiener |
[11 Feb 2007|06:53pm] |
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music |
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New York Dolls |
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A Jacob Gorski original (to the tune of Pachelbel's Canon in D):
"Xhibit has a show called Pimp My Ride.
Rick has a show called Pimp My Wiener.
Where he puts tassels on wieners."
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[10 Jan 2007|01:24am] |
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Devendra Banhart - Mama Wolf |
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If someone asked me if I've ever watched an entire season of Scrubs in one day, I could say "yessir" (or "yes'm" if it applied). If someone asked me if I've ever kept a New Year's resolution to exercise every day because this year is the year I finally get in shape, I'd probably say "nope," then die a little more on the inside.
My cellulitis bandaid ripped huge patches of hair off my leg. My skin is remarkably smooth underneath. I wish it was socially acceptable for me to wax them the rest of the way. My new New Year's resolution is to become a competitive swimmer. Two birds, one stone.
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[05 Jan 2007|10:29pm] |
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The Small Faces |
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I have cellulitis, which can apparently become life-threatening if not treated quickly. I noticed it a couple days ago and thought it was a zit, but then it tripled in size (roughly). My mom drew a circle around it with a pen, and if it grows any more tonight, I get to go to the ER tomorrow. Happy New Year.
Update:
The bandaid I put over my cellulitis is pulling on my leg hair like a sonuvabitch.
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[15 Dec 2006|12:37am] |
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Catfish Haven |
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I'm now done with college, which is a relief. The whole thing was one big, sustained punch in the nuts.
There's a chance I'll be spending a few more months at SVSU, though, because my thesis adviser wants to get me a research assistantship to help him finish his mix tape project (which you should all read when it's finished because I'll be in it).
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[30 Nov 2006|11:06pm] |
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Graduating in two weeks. I'm not going to commencement. I wonder if I'll someday regret this. Apparently honors students cross the stage first, and the dean says nice things about you (if he has time). So yes, there would be about a minute of the dean stroking my ego (read: balls), but then there would be a hundred or so more minutes of watching people I don't care about. Oh, and I guess it would make my family proud. But it would be so boring.
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[11 Nov 2006|02:18pm] |
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music |
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Nina Simone - Sinnerman |
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Does anybody want to go to Golden China with me this week? I really want to go to Golden China.
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[06 Nov 2006|04:43pm] |
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When people come into Jimmy John's and ask me what's good, I think a good joke would be to say Subway, then laugh really hard.
My room smells like donuts.
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[31 Oct 2006|11:14pm] |
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My mom didn't pass out candy tonight because she had to go to the ER. She was having an iron infusion this morning, and she had a severe allergic reaction. So now I have to eat 120 fun-size candy bars.
Also, she couldn't drive herself home because she was high on benadryl and her hands were still too swollen to grip the steering wheel, so I had to take her back to pick up her car. It was a real race to get home in time for NCIS.
Also, there was a kid at school today in a Braveheart(?) costume, with face-paint and everything. I imagine he regretted that halfway down the hallway when he realized no one else dressed up. Except for the one (semi-) sexy nun and the old lady dressed as a (male) pirate.
What a crazy day.
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[18 Oct 2006|04:31pm] |
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Does anyone have a wig I could borrow? Preferably something shoulder-length or longer and brunette (more of an espresso than a chestnut tone, if that's not asking too much)?
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[07 Oct 2006|02:05pm] |
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I've hit rock bottom. This morning I was too hungover to poop. I'm such an ass.
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